First Things First

You know those girls who seem to have their lives together and won’t take shit from anyone and who you generally hate? I get the distinct feeling that some people feel that way about me sometimes. I’m a confident person. I stand tall, I talk loud, I’m happy with the person I am. I am not, however, someone who has their life together, and I’m definitely not okay with the person I sometimes pretend to be.

I’ve had some shitty experiences. A lot of them, actually. But, I have had anything but a shitty life. I have some things I hate talking about, and some things I love talking about, but I’m here to tell you, compared to most people, life has been a cakewalk. I need to say that so you don’t think I’m a stuck up bitch (though I can be sometimes), but I also need to keep telling myself that.

Humans are the dumbest. We think we’re the only important thing on the planet. Oh, I’m sorry, did I say humans? I meant girls and boys. Not men and women, mind you, because there’s only like a dozen actual men and women on this planet. Nope, the rest of us are girls and boys. We’re immature, we need our mommies, and if we don’t get our way, we scream—whether that be literally or figuratively.

I’ll take this moment to let you know that it’s my goal to never again use the word “literally” in my writing, but, I mean, we’ll see how it goes.


So I’ve done a stupid thing. I’ve moved to Los Angeles and I hope to write comedy someday. Sorry, I mean I hope to get paid to write comedy someday. I write comedy every day—it’s called Twitter and I definitely don’t have enough followers. With that said, I should probably do what I came here to do, and that’s write. Just write anything. So you, my brave reader, are in for a doozy.

I’m going to write every day. It might not always be personal. Sometimes it will be a character or a longer version of a tweet or a sketch I think is cool. Some days it’ll be funny, other days it will try to be funny, and yet others will definitely not be funny at all. Kind of like life. Or late episodes of “The Office”.


Based on the way I started this post, you can already tell that I’m a selfish son of a bitch with too much time on her hands and the belief that some people look up to me. That’s my disclaimer. Some of these stories will be awful and self centered and very immature, but like I said, I’m a girl, not a woman.


So hopefully you’ll keep reading this. If you don’t, that’s cool. If you do, that’s cooler.


Don’t worry, I’ll explain my blog name at some point.


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