I had a day that was a perfect representation of life. It was a day that was both busy, and not busy, scheduled, and open. It was a good day and there were times when I thought it was going to be a bad day.
I woke up and immediately went on a walk. I realize that everyone was affected by Robin Williams’ death, but for some reason, it really hit me hard. Maybe because he represented my childhood. Maybe because he was so beloved. Maybe because I wish he was here to see me make my way in the comedy world. Maybe because I’m a woman. No matter the reason, I cried a lot last night, a lot this morning, so I needed some fresh air.
My walk was beautiful. It started really difficult because I walked straight up an incline for the first twenty minutes or so. I got to listen to my podcasts uninterrupted and get out of the apartment and away from my computer for a little bit. I’m on my computer about sixteen hours out of the day, whether it’s writing or watching something or job searching. It’s really a shame that everything has to be on my computer, but it is, so I deal with it. While on my walk, I started to think about the houses I was passing–some very beautiful and clearly expensive and I couldn’t help but think that some of these people might work in the entertainment industry, and some of them may have known Robin Williams.
Right when I got home, I took a long shower and avoided my computer some more. When I got out of the shower, I got some bad news that I won’t share here, but once again reminded me of how precious life and love are. I’m only 22 and yet, I find myself quite often dealing with seemingly adult problems. Maybe that’s what they don’t tell you as a kid though, you’re always going to feel like a kid and even when you are an adult, you wish you weren’t because then you could avoid your problems and have someone else take care of them.
I was ready for a full day of job searching, though. I reluctantly grabbed my computer, walked out into the living room which has only a couch, no table or anything, and went onto LinkedIn and searched every single job I could possibly think of. It was so frustrating and disheartening. Every job that looks appealing to me requires I have at least three years experience already and every job that I qualify for has absolutely nothing to do with what I hope to eventually do so it seems like a step in the wrong direction. I know, I’m eventually going to have to suck it up and take some crappy job that I hate and stick it out until I have those three years of experience. But I don’t want to wait. And I don’t think I should have to. Even typing this right now gives me so much anxiety. Why can’t someone recognize my potential anywhere and just give me a chance? That’s all I’m asking for. I’m an incredibly hard worker and have so many skills that would be vital to any work environment, but no one seems to want me. I sunk as low as to look on Craigslist to see if there were any job postings, but the very first one that I opened up said that I needed to submit a photo with my resume–uh, no thank you.
So I left my computer. I turned on another podcast, did my hair and make-up really slowly, and got ready to spend the night out with one of my good friends to celebrate her birthday. I picked her up from work and we went to this little Mexican restaurant that was so cute and reminded me that sometimes all you need is some tequila, a great friend, good conversation, and some tamales.
Life is so much like these kind of days, though. There are a million twists and turns and you have no idea why anything is happening or not happening or anything in between, but you gotta make it through and hope tomorrow is a little more good and a little less bad.