I’m working toward something.

I started a job today. A job that is not a dream job. But I’m only 10 days into my twenty third year and I’m fully employed and in thirty days I’ll get full benefits so I’m incredibly proud of myself. I work 5 days a week all day and it’s probably going to be difficult. Difficult because I’ve never done anything like it before. I’m answering calls all day every day. I’ve long said that I’m not a phone talker and that is certainly true, but for some reason I feel like I’ll be really good at this and I’ll fit in at the office really well.

 

So, here’s my fear. I’m afraid of getting too comfortable. I already feel like I know my way generally around the office and the area and I’m very happy to be in a highly regimented and structured environment, but how do I make sure I grow there? How do I make sure I’m taking a step toward a career and not just a step toward slight financial stability?

 

Here’s the plan: I work five days a week. I do not work seven days a week. I do not work twenty four hours a day. I’ve made it my unofficial resolution this year to make my time count. I got so tired of just watching hours upon hours of a television show and then going to bed and waking up disappointed that I hadn’t accomplished anything the day before. I’m fully aware my tendency is to be lazy and let things happen to me, not make things happen for myself.

 

Now comes a big proclamation: I’m working toward something. That may not sound like a big proclamation to you, but it is to me. I’ve set my sights on something I want to accomplish and I’m really hoping I’ll learn to use my free time to accomplish that. If I can’t accomplish something that I say I want to do with my whole heart, then I clearly don’t have the drive to do it for a job. So that starts now. I’m working toward a goal and that goal is to have a life.

I’m not kidding. I want to be able to say I have friends and a social life and a hobby and a full time job. I want it all. That might sound weird to you and not specific enough, but it is specific enough to me. I had that once–it was my senior year of college and the more distance I get from my graduation, I realize that I can’t keep looking back on that as the best time of my life. Because if that is the best time of my life, that’s really sad.

 

So I’m jumping all in and I’m trying to be a whole person. I’m aiming to be the person I really want to hang out with. Parts of me are there already, but most parts have a lot of work to do. Feel free to follow me on this journey if you want, I’m happy to share even though that’s a foreign feeling to me. Maybe it’s time I let some people in, at least that’s what they tell me.

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