You know in an earlier post when I mentioned that I wanted to make my time count every day? Well, that’s a learning curve. Not necessarily a lesson in making my time count, I think I’m pretty aware of how to do that. I need to be present, I need to be conscious, and I need to make a decision.
I’ve learned that decision is really what makes a difference. If I’m not deciding to do something with my day, I’m not making my time count. What do I mean by this? I mean just letting that next episode of whatever show I’m watching roll over on Netflix. I mean just opening the fridge and grabbing the first thing that I see because I’m hungry from being so bored. Making my time count means consciously making a decision about how I’m using that time.
I mentioned it before, but I started a new job this week. It’s a full time, five days a week kind of deal and it’s very structured. That’s something I’ve been craving. Before this job, I did a lot of unconsciously passing time. A lot of realizing that I had a lot of time to get things done that I wanted to get done, so putting those things off and off until I completely forgot my goals.
This week of training was absolutely exhausting. I got home every night after a long day of absorbing information and during the week, I really made that time count. I made nice dinners for myself that would take a little time and would allow me to put on a podcast and just enjoy the quiet around me. I would catch up on some work that I was still doing for my old job in this time of transition. I would meet up with a friend for coffee to decompress from the day. I used that time to do things that I wanted to do.
Then came the weekend. I was sure I was going to get up and run errands and be an incredibly productive person who amazed everyone around me with the amount of energy I had. Here’s the thing, though. I listened to what my mind and my body needed, and I needed to be completely lazy. Lazy in a way that’s a little irresponsible. On Saturday, I woke up and laid in bed until about 10 at which point I pulled myself out of bed, made some coffee, and promptly set myself up in front of the television. I could have gone to work out. I could have run errands. I could have been productive. If I was going to make my time count, though, I needed to learn what I needed.
That might be the hardest thing I’ve realized. Some days I will need to just completely lay down all day and take accidental three hour naps and call my friends and do nothing that’s propelling me forward as a person other than maintaining my mental health. So that’s what I did. I made the conscious decision to do nothing and that’s pretty amazing.
Sunday rolled around and I was sure I’d be in a more productive mood. Well, I sort of was, so I listened to what I needed and did the things I needed to get done, but slowly and throughout the day. I was still productive. I still made my time count. But I did it at a pace that my mind and body needed to maintain.
I don’t have it figured out, but I have learned a lot about myself this week. I now know that I know what I need if I pay attention to it and that I can distinguish wasting my time and using my time intentionally to waste.
On to another week and more figuring things out.