Still Learning

I moved to Los Angeles just under a year ago. I was two and a half weeks out of college and I was ready to conquer the world. So I packed up my car, grabbed one of my best and oldest friends, and we went on an adventure.

To tell the truth, that adventure hasn’t really stopped yet. Los Angeles is yet to be my home. I’m trying to make it my home, but I would be lying if I said I always felt comfortable and welcome and safe here. I’m still figuring it out. I’m still learning that I definitely do want to write television and that definitely does not mean I’m good at it yet. I’m still learning that I’m terrified of both what will happen if I don’t make my dream happen and what will happen if I do. I’m still learning that a job is not your life, but you also can’t have one without the other.

My dear best and oldest friend and I had a chat this week. We were catching up on life, as we’re on opposite coasts now and both chasing dreams in television, albeit very different dreams. And that’s when it hit me: we’re adults now. We call each other and talk about work for over an hour because that’s what we do. That’s our lives. And, yeah, I know I just ,said that a job is not your life, but it is what I do all day every day. And that’s okay for now.

I also had a chat today with someone who wasn’t in my life a year ago. Never knew the student version of me or the adolescent version of me. Nope, she’s always known me as the person who’s chasing a similar dream. And we talked about writing and about our process and how I’ve been stuck.

It’s really hard to get perspective while you’re experiencing something. In a lot of ways, not much has happened in a year. In a lot of other ways, an enormous amount has happened in a year. All I know is that I need to try to do things because I want to do them. And I need to not be so scared of the outcome. I need to learn to just enjoy the process.

So, I’m stuck right now. Or rather, I think I’m stuck. My brain is full of working a full time job as well as two other part-time jobs whenever I have the time just so I can make some money and not have to stress about it. My brain is totally and completely exhausted. But maybe that’s the best time to write. I don’t know. I don’t have it figured out. And every single day I’m learning more things about myself that I never knew. But, I’m a cool person, and I’m gonna get things done, and I’m gonna figure things out, and there’s also stuff that I’ll never ever figure out. But that’s fine. I’m young. I’m still learning along the way.