The Bachelor: Week 6

It continued! Woo, boy, was I concerned that the To Be Continued from Week 5 would go on and on forever until I completely forgot about Ben and Olivia and Emily and everyone involved in this crazy mixed up situation. But, alas, we came back, had a rose ceremony, and went to the Bahamas, all within 2 hours of broadcast television. Let’s jump into it.

We’re whisked back to the beautiful Mexico City, Mexico, a city that has high crime rates and high cry rates apparently. (Editor’s note: sorry for the worst joke in history.) So we’re at the point at which Ben asks to speak with Olivia before the rose ceremony and he brings up that other women have said that they are not connecting with Olivia. Olivia, of course, is not surprised by this and explains the following reasons she thinks that might be happening:

  1. Olivia steals Ben on dates to talk to him first.
  2. All the rest of the women paint their nails and do their hair, but Olivia doesn’t.
  3. Olivia likes thinking and wants to talk smart things.
  4. Olivia is very confident.

YA KNOW, THE REGULAR REASONS. Okay, let me attack this head on. (Editor’s note: this will be an extremely long recap because I have a lot to say this week.)

  1. Yes, Olivia, that is a valid reason to be annoyed by you. Why would you not want to be last every night? Do you think you’re physically tiring Ben with your conversations so that he’s just pooped and won’t remember the rest of the conversations he has? Just be a human and let him come to you.
  2. If I had an emoji of the girl raising her hand, I would use it as a response to this argument of hers. Umm, I’m sorry, but I paint my nails and do my hair and also, guess what, I’m a smart, capable woman who also likes to “talk smart things”. Maybe let’s not hate other women just because they have other interests? Remember when you use the argument “opposites attract” when talking about a man who has different interests than you? Hmm, maybe let’s apply that to our fellow women and quit pigeonholing them? Just maybe?
  3. So, again, I’m not sure how this got lumped into a reason for the other women not liking her but it’s also not proper grammar sooooo…
  4. I have very well established this in other blog posts, but Olivia is acting in a manner that is in no way shows any semblance of confidence. But, oh well, she’s a mess and we know it.

Okay, so now that we’ve established that her reasons the other girls may not like her are absolute insanity, it’s time to find out how Ben feels about all of Olivia’s excuses. Well, Ben is cool with everything, I guess, because he basically just says that it’s confusing for him and that’s about it and then before we know it, he’s walking her back to the other women and Olivia still has a rose in her hand. So after Ben drops Olivia off with the other girls, he tells them that this keeps getting harder and harder every week and then he instantly flees to go deal with deciding which women are going to get roses. Once he leaves, all of the women try to ask Olivia how it went, but Olivia “doesn’t want to talk about it”, which, fair, but also, you seem to have no problem talking about how much you hate people behind their backs, so, hmm. In her confessional, Olivia delivers her phenomenal and appropriate line, “Come at me, bro!” which is neither funny nor does it make a ton of sense. But anyway, it’s finally time for the rose ceremony we’ve been waiting a full 7 days for. Congratulations to Caila, Lauren B., JoJo, Becca, Leah, and Emily who get the roses and a sad farewell to Jennifer. I’m genuinely sad that Jennifer is leaving—she was a super cool girl and I thought they had a very natural chemistry, but hey, what do I know, I’m just a dedicated viewer. As she’s leaving, Jennifer says that her biggest fear was that she would leave before Ben ever really knew who she was and, basically, her biggest fear came true. But props to Jennifer for just wanting someone to know her fully before breaking up with her on national TV. Ben tells Jennifer on the way out that she is going to make someone incredibly happy, and I couldn’t agree more. And, again, I’m more and more on Ben’s side because him saying that means that he sees her for the cool and awesome and beautiful woman that she is, but also knows that he doesn’t’ feel a super strong connection with her and she should go home now so she won’t get even more hurt. Once Jen is finally on her way out of Mexico City, it’s time to tell the ladies that they’re headed to…THE BAHAMAS! All of the Bahamas? A specific Bahama? They know there are multiple places in the Bahamas, yes?

So they get to the Bahamas—yes the vague non-descript entire country with multiple islands and Amanda thinks that this is the most romantic place they’ve been so far. Oh, I’m sorry, Amanda, the abandoned unkempt field you sat in in Mexico City wasn’t as romantic as a usual honeymoon destination? I’M SHOCKED. Chris Harrison walks in and tells the ladies that there are going to be 3 dates this week—a one-on-one, a group date, and a two-on-one. Ah, yes, the absolutely dreaded two-on-one date. I LOVE TWO-ON-ONES, I’M THRILLED. The first date card arrives: “Caila—Let’s see if our love is reel…Ben”. Back to major UGHing. The women then follow the classic comedy trope of trying to explain why something is funny, this in particular because reel is spelled r-e-e-l not r-e-a-l, which COOL INVESTIGATIVE WORK, GIRLS. Leah instantly just gets super upset and doesn’t know why she’s there. She starts complaining like a lot, a lot, and before we know it, it’s time for Ben to come pick up Caila for their date. Well, first of all, he walks in with maybe one button buttoned on his horrifically oversized shirt, which is the least effective wardrobe choice ever. He takes a seat on the couch and basically covers Leah with his whole body in what could be edited to look protective, but really just looks like he forgot Leah was a human and sat on her Mia Thermopolis style.

So Caila and Ben head off on their date and Ben says that he really needs more time with Caila to see if they’re a good fit. I’d forgotten, until he brings it up, that their last one-on-one date included Ice Cube and Kevin Hart for a majority of it, so really, they only got like half a date. Caila comments that the energy in the room was a little weird when they left for the date, of course just bringing up Leah’s pissed-off nature. They move on from any real form of feeling or emotion pretty quickly and apparently they’re going fishing on this date! Caila has to wear this weird fishing belt thing which I suppose like makes it easier to handle the pole, but really it looks horribly uncomfortable and I’m not sure her tiny body is built to handle like deep sea fishing of any kind. Before we can get too invested in what’s happening with Ben and Caila, we cut back to Leah and she’s weeping and says that she looks like a fool—she lives 10 minutes from Ben in reality and they could have met in a bar somewhere, but she felt that the universe brought them together here instead. While it’s kind of a valid argument that they could have met where they both live, I think it’s a little generous to say that she thinks the casting process for the Bachelor and Bachelorette could in any way be attributed to “fate” or the “universe”. Leah says that she doesn’t think that Ben is taking the leap with her and then GRATUITOUS CUT BACK TO BEN AND CAILA LEAPING OFF OF THE BOAT. I like your style, producers. Who knew the Bachelor would be the number one place for visual puns? It’s now time to head to dinner with Ben and Caila and Ben instantly says something borderline offensive. He tells Caila that she’s so smiley all the time and he worries if she can get beyond that. Or no, I’m sorry, his exact opening line was, “So, you smile a lot.” I love how he can use that as a reason that he likes her one week and then instantly find fault in it. I mean, not to overanalyze potentially the stupidest thing he’s said so far (and believe me, he’ll say a lot of stupid stuff during this date), but I can’t imagine them being a life long couple if even Caila smiling is starting to get on his nerves six weeks in. Ben, in not so many words, asks if Caila had really any sort of emotional capacity. Caila has a great rebuttal and says that she feels really put on the spot to open up. Yeah, Caila, as much as I’m on a roller coaster with you and I can’t tell if I like you or if you’re maybe the most boring person that’s ever been on this show, I gotta give you props for calling out Ben on that . Ben seems a little unfazed by the fact that Caila called him out and just asks Caila to her face: “Are you ready or not?”. Caila goes on to give the single most confusing response that anyone has ever responded to that question with. So, first of all, she starts with the face that she feels like she loves Ben, which already is a super weird thing to say. She goes on to say that she thinks it’s really hard to open up and share and then sort of says that she feels like she has to be in love in order to open up and share? K, but, gurl, didn’t you just say that you love Ben? Think that’s it? Nope, we’re only like halfway through her response—she’s a long-winded gal. She says that her greatest fear is breaking Ben’s heart and she feels like there’s something holding her back from falling all the way in love with Ben, but, like, again, gurl, didn’t you already say you loved him? Ben is confused. I am confused. I sincerely believe that Caila is confused as well. Caila even says herself that she’s a really confusing person, but it honestly seems like she’s just not secure enough in herself or her feelings to articulate what she means. Or she might just not be a super articulate person. I don’t know, she’s kinda a weirdo and I’m growing less and less interested in seeing Ben and Caila date. I would think we’re done with weird confusing stuff, but no, Caila sums everything up by saying that she knows she’s falling in love because she feels like she’s being understood. WUT. If there were a list of only 2 words and one was “understood” and the other was literally any other word in the English language, I still wouldn’t pick “understood” as the way Caila should feel by Ben. But, whatever, I’m not trying to date this guy. For some reason, Ben takes all of this into consideration and decides that the best way he can put it, Caila is a person that challenges him and that it’s “almost attractive that Caila can be confusing”. To each their own, but straight up a giant NO on these two ever having a successful relationship. Caila gets a rose, because, obviously, and Ben says that “in the weirdest possible way, this was one of the best dates of his life”. Umm. Okay. Still Team Ben, but also, maybe Team Let Ben Fall In Love With A Mature Woman Who Can Articulate Her Feelings.

Another date card arrives and says, “Lauren B., Becca, Amanda, JoJo, Lauren H., and Leah—Love is unpredictable…Ben.” Boy oh boy did this date card stir up a lot of emotions. Of course Leah gets super emotional because she didn’t get the one-on-one or the two-on-one this week, so she’s stuck dating this guy in like 3 minute intervals, which is a valid thing to get pissed about, but also, it’s literally exactly what she signed up for so I’m not super sympathetic to her plight. Also, it’s now clear that the two-on-one is going to be with Olivia and Emily. Of course Olivia is super confident and Emily is her cool, funny self and is just happy that she gets to hang out with Ben, but is, understandably, annoyed that she has to split time with Olivia. Olivia also says that Emily is so young so she doesn’t want to be on the date with her. GURL, YOU AND EMILY ARE THE SAME AGE. GET OVER YOURSELF. Full disclosure, Olivia, Emily, and I are all the same age, so if we’re being completely honest, yeah Olivia seems like she might be slightly older, but that doesn’t mean that Emily is like immature or annoying or childish in any way. Whatever. I’m a life-long “seemingly older than my age” person so it hits home a little.

 

Finally time to get to the group date. Going into the day, Leah is in a super pissy mood, but says that she wants answers on the date today. To which questions, I cannot be sure. Ben says that he wanted to do something light today because group dates can be awkward. So they all climb aboard a boat and for some reason all of the women are just terrified that the date is going to have to do with sharks for some reason. Nothing could have prepared me for how amazing this date was going to be. IT’S PIGS. THEY’RE HANGING OUT WITH PIGS. How did these pigs get to this island? Why were they brought to this island? Are pigs in any way indigenous to islands? Apparently they’re going to just feed the pigs hot dogs, which Leah calls Ben out and is like, “We’re gonna feed the pig pig?!”. Yahs, Leah, just that one comment is probably why you made it this far in the process to begin with. You’re kinda witty. Annoying and overly dramatic, but a little witty. No, says Ben, they’re feeding them chicken hot dogs, which, phew, and then Ben goes through some basic rules for feeding the pigs. Before we know it, the pigs are just racing toward the women and the big pigs are super aggressive. Becca didn’t know she was scared of pigs until now and JoJo is truly just being bombarded with these pigs. It’s like the producers dropped off these pigs in week 1, and did not feed them until this date and these pigs are ravenous. It’s honestly hilarious to watch these women struggle with feeding farm animals in the middle of paradise. This is by far the weirdest date I’ve ever seen ever and this is Season 20 of the Bachelor franchise. Somehow, Lauren B. and Ben manage to break away from the girls and the pigs and have some alone time in the middle of the ocean, which the rest of the girls are really kind of annoyed by, and it seems a little bit awkward. The rest of the date is super awkward and Ben is weird and the women are weird and it’s just all in all an odd time. Ben pulls JoJo aside to talk about the weird vibe and says the she, above everyone else, gets and understands what’s happening and how awkward it is. Ugh, I love Ben and JoJo. Like I don’t think she’s gonna win, but I do think she’s going to make an amazing Bachelorette. Somehow it’s a pig that interrupts Ben and JoJo, not another woman and it’s hilarious. Next up is Leah and Ben and it becomes immediately clear that they do not in any way have a natural chemistry. For some reason, Leah just basically wants to fight with Ben the entire time and grills him about why she hasn’t had any one-on-one time with Ben, which doesn’t seem like a great use of the one-on-one time she’s complaining about not getting, but, whatever. Leah wants to know why he kept her here this long, and GURL, IT’S BECAUSE THERE ARE QUOTAS TO FILL. Sorry, girl, but welcome to THE BACHELOR. THE SHOW YOU WILLINGINGLY APPLIED TO AND INTERVIEWED TO BE ON. For some reason, Lauren H. and Leah are super close and Lauren has to be the one that deals with all of Leah’s shit, which just seems like a really annoying job.

 

Once their all cleaned up after their day of feeding pigs in the middle of the ocean, they head into a cocktail party and Ben says that he doesn’t want to leave tonight leaving anything unsaid. He grabs Becca first, which, I honestly forgot about Becca for awhile there, so that’s probably a good reminder for me. Ben tells her that he thinks that she was a little stand-offish today and she admits that she was. She brings up that he has a very obvious connection with Lauren B. and it is really awkward for all of them to watch that. She does give him the benefit of the doubt, however, and is just tells him that he’s not doing anything wrong at all, which is super fair of her to say, because, yeah, what he’s doing might be annoying to other women on a group date, but it’s not like he’s proposing to someone in front of everyone. Ben talks to Amanda next and tells her that he likes her and she shouldn’t doubt that. Anytime she leaves Ben, she says, she feels good, which is nice, but also probably not true, so, hey, Amanda, let’s stop LYING. Lauren B. tells the other girls that she was anxious going into today’s date and Leah is pissed that Lauren B. is in any way confident. In her fit of rage, she talks to Ben and says that there are women in the house that are not being real with Ben. She says she doesn’t like drama, but she thinks that the woman which whom he has the best connection, cough cough Lauren B., is not the same with Ben as she is in the house. Well, for one thing, I hope she acts like at least a little differently toward Ben than the 8 other women that he’s dating, but also, that is just so random and mean spirited and dumb. It’s clear that Leah is just making this up to try to knock out another girl so that Ben can fall in love with her even though that seems like just a bad way to kick off a relationship, but whatever. Lauren B., of course, comes to interrupt them, and immediately Ben tells Lauren B. what Leah has just said, which makes me think that Ben is straight up in love with Lauren and wants to protect her and keep her in the loop at all times. Lauren B. says that she would never use her time with Ben to talk about someone else, which, THANK YOU, and she doesn’t really know how to respond to that. I mean, she’s right, how can you really defend yourself in anyway in that situation, but also shoutout to Ben for not just like letting her think that no one is talking smack about her, ya know? Ben takes Lauren B. back to the other women and Leah is conveniently missing from the couch. Oh, yeah, also there’s a full blown HURRICANE happening outside now which just seems perfectly in line with the amount of drama that’s happening. Lauren B. bursts into tears of course and tells all her friends what happened and they’re all totally on her side. Leah walks up and they all know that she’s the one who said it, even though, she says “I never said anyone’s name” and she would also “never be the type of person to do that.” Yeah, okay, Leah, you super suck in this episode. It’s time to give out the rose on this date, though, and Ben acknowledges that is was a weird day. For some reason Amanda gets the rose? He basically just tells her that she’s a sweet person which is why she gets the rose? Um, okay, I guess that’s cool. Leah says that she’s doing to have to do something more extreme, which now I’m worried she’s a murderer, or at least a bra-freezer.

 

Back in the hotel room, Lauren B., Emily, and Amanda debrief about everything and both Emily and Amanda say they’re so sorry that that happened and that clearly Leah is just jealous about their connection. Leah apparently decides it’s time to go to Ben’s room and convince him that Lauren B. is not right for him. So, she walks up to his room and they sit down and she says that she’s not there to sabotage Lauren, but she does want him to know what he’s getting into. In general, she just has no concrete examples of how Lauren B. is in any way different around him, and in fact, he basically just realizes that he and Leah have no real connection, especially now, and he decides to send her home right then and there. YAHS, BEN, GOOD CHOICE. We see Leah packing everything up and she says that she regrets how she handled the process, aka lying, and that she feels like a fool. Welp, gurl, you acted like a fool, sorry it came to bite you in the ass. BAI, LEAH!

 

A date card shows up at the door, but it’s like wrapped in a poem from Chris Harrison for some reaons? Chris says, “Two women, one rose, one stays, on goes…Chris Harrison.” Umm, okay, that seems OBVIOUS AND UNNECESSARY. Once they’ve discarded the dumbest poem ever, they unveil “Emily and Olivia—Let’s sea what the Bahamas have in store for us…Ben”. UGH, ENOUGH WITH THESE SPELLING PUNS, PRODUCERS. Olivia says that it’s going to feel like she’s Emily’s mother on their date which is probably the weirdest thing she could possibly say, but I suppose we’ll move on. Olivia is super giddy and says that she thinks she and Ben have been writing their love story this entire time. Emily, on the other hand, is terrified of this whole day, probably because she super does not want to be hanging out with Olivia for so long. A beautiful, gratuitous shot of them facing away from each other in their Uber SUV. It’s just, again, like the craziest weather for this date and I’m legitimately worried that these three might die on their date. Nevertheless, they pile into a boat and head to a deserted island, which is potentially the single most dangerous place to go in weather like this. It’s just like a super uncomfortable date—the three of them are sharing a single blanket on which to sit and the rose is disintegrating in front of their eyes and to get any alone time they have to like scale these rocks. All in all, it was not a well thought out date. Olivia, of course, grabs ben first and instantly pours her heart out to Ben. She says that her week last week was really scary, but she’s not going to force herself to be friends with people she wouldn’t be friends with normally. OKAY, WE GET IT. Also, more in her own defense, she’s more of an introverted, she’s grounded, very in tune with her body, strong and confident, deeply intellectual, and, oh yeah, she’s in love with Ben. UGH I WAS ROLLING MY EYES SO HARD I COULDN’T EVEN TYPE STRAIGHT. Ben says, essentially, nothing in response to her, but, of course, being Olivia, she feels even more in love with Ben after this conversation aka talking about herself for a full 30 minutes. Time for Emily to chat with Ben for a bit, though. She tells Ben that she wants today to be the turning point for their relationship and that she really wants Ben to know that she really, truly does want to be there. We can barely hear her or appreciate what she’s saying, though, because she has a full sheet of her own hair in her face so she just says she’ll just go ahead and continue talking like that. Yes, Emily, you’re the best, America loves you. It’s kind of a short and not super interesting conversation, but anyway, it’s time for Ben to give someone the rose. He grabs the rose, then he grabs Olivia and they begin their one mile trek down the beach. Like literally they walk so far. I’m mad at this point because I love Emily and I hate Olivia and I’m just so annoyed that he’s about to give a rose to this girl. But wait. HE SAYS HE CAN’T RECIPROCATE HER FEELINGS! I WANT TO DANCE FOR JOY. America watches Olivia’s face fall and it honestly is super depressing and uncomfortable. Like I’m shocked she’s going home and I definitely hated her as a contestant, but she is a human and she did genuinely seem to fall for Ben so it is not great to watch someone just like be sad. Ben runs over to give Emily the rose now and they jump into the boat and ride off into the tsunami level waves. Olivia is simply left standing in the wind and rain for what is probably a good month or so. Like Olivia might still live on that island. OH WELL. BAI, OLIVIA.

 

Time for the cocktail party. OR SO WE THINK. Chris Harrison walks in and tells the girls that there will be no cocktail party tonight, Ben has already made his decision and talking to the women for such a short amount of time would not change his decision. All the girls are a little freaked out because most of them wanted one last opportunity to say something to Ben before the rose ceremony—Lauren B. especially. Oh well, we’re whisked away to the rose ceremony, which, thank god, seems to be happening this week, and Ben says he’s sorry that there wasn’t a cocktail party, but he was just so set in his decision. Congratulations to Becca, JoJo, and Lauren B. and goodbye to Lauren H.! I will also miss her, a little, I guess, but it was very clear they were not made for each other. She wonders why it’s so hard to fall in love and maybe because she’s trying to do it on national television with 25 other women? Just maybe? Anyway, I’m happy with the girls we have left, or rather, we’re left with the girls I expected, but it will be interesting to see this group get smaller and smaller every week, because he does genuinely seem to like these women a lot. Too bad all our villains are gone, though. Catch ya next time, kids!

 

This SEASON on The Bachelor: Ben is crying. All the women are crying. A full montage of wiping tears. Ben meets Amanda’s kids, Emily meets Ben’s parents, and Oh. My. God. Ben tells 2 women he loves them. A VERY dramatic final rose ceremony in which he’s apparently going to reject one girl, regret his decision and call her up to rectify it. COME ON MOLLY AND JASON PART 2 BUT THIS TIME APPROPRIATELY THE SAME DAY NOT DURING AFTER THE FINAL ROSE. Man, oh man, this might actually live up to the “most dramatic season ever”.

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