HOMETOWNS HOMETOWNS HOMETOWNS! The best episode of the season is upon us! This season was no exception, I am still stressed from the rose ceremony, or, ahem, lack thereof. Let’s travel across the country to meet these guys!
First up is Chase, and praise for getting it over with first, or at least so I think. He’s from Colorado and it looks so stunningly beautiful and snowy there, right there should have been the first clue that I might be in for some surprises. We instantly learn that Chase is from a “broken home”, no really, he, himself, uses those actual words. JoJo is wearing the perfect cold weather sweater and I need it. Apparently when his parents got divorced it was pretty horrible and he can’t see his mom and his dad at the same time ever. He and JoJo are much more natural than I remember, though, and I’m already a little intrigued about how the rest of this date is gonna go. Alright, so first they go to Chase’s dad’s house, I think? It’s an absolutely adorable house, but literally no one is home and when his dad does finally enter, he enters like a guest? WHOSE HOUSE IS THIS???????? Just right away Chase goes STRAIGHT for the emotional stuff and is basically like, “Dad, why did you screw up our family?”. Geez. For a guy who’s not good with sharing, he certainly shared a lot on this hometown. I’m weirdly emotional about this conversation with his dad, though, like I like Chase now and I truly don’t really know why. So, Chase asks JoJo if he and his dad can have some time alone since they don’t see each other that often—I mean, sure, but where’s JoJo gonna go? It doesn’t even seem like anyone in the McNary family is comfortable in this house and someone supposedly lives there. Poor JoJo. But Chase and his dad go off to have a really heartfelt conversation and it becomes very clear where Chase gets his complete and total lack of emotion. They finish up with Chase’s dad and go to his mom’s house and there are tons of family members there including a BABY. Ugh, I get too distracted by babies. Again, this family is simply too open and honest. It’s like their version of getting nervous is sharing too much on national television whereas mine is cuddling up on the couch, turning on Emily’s season of The Bachelorette to watch her and Ari make out, and never telling a soul any personal details of my life. Chase’s mom likes JoJo’s laugh, and obviously, because she’s a perfect human woman. While JoJo talks to Chase’s mom, Chase and his sister seemingly have their first ever conversation. They commiserate about their inability to tell people that they love them and like I want to make fun of this family, but, to be honest, they seem super normal and like they’ve overcome a lot and I honestly get it. Like I understand Chase as a person now. And, yes, he’s still very, very boring, but I get him now. And I’m kinda into him for JoJo maybe a little. All in all, it was a curveball of a hometown. A little sad it’s over now.
BUT NOW IT’S RODGERS TIME. JoJo and I are both completely and totally excited for this hometown, it’s going to be absolutely magical. So she walks up to this enormous park where Jordan apparently did his workouts every morning and I’m a bit concerned that Chico, CA is a very boring place. Not as boring as Warsaw, IN (#PrayForWarsaw), but nonetheless, apparently the suitors’ physical places of education are the highlights of these small towns. They end up at Jordan’s high school and it’s super cute, it reminds me of the school where they filmed ‘Easy A’. Classic Jordan move, but he pushes JoJo against the stacks in the library and makes out with her for awhile. They meet Jordan’s JV football coach and then just kinda trespass in his office for awhile? There’s literally hundreds of photos of former players in this guy’s office, including photos of all three Rodgers brothers, and we come to find out perhaps the most shocking realization of the Rodgers’ history: JORDAN WORE #12?????? IS THAT WHY HE AND AARON ARE FEUDING???? Jordan was a straight up tiny man in high school and JoJo loves pointing it out to him. They sit on the bleachers for a bit and basically he just tells her not to bring up Aaron or it’ll be awkward. Much like it is now. So the Rodgers live in a literal mansion, or at least a Chico sized mansion, and JoJo is absolutely freaking out. Like she wants to jump out of her skin she’s so nervous walking up to this house, I love it. CLEARLY she wants this guy’s family to like her and it’s just so wonderful and clearly she’s in love with this man. Mr. and Mrs. Rodgers are perfectly lovely as is Luke Rodgers and his girlfriend who is clearly a fan of country music. The whole family sits down for dinner and there are 2 DISTINCT empty chairs. Subtle, Rodgers. Luke and JoJo go off to talk while Jordan talks to his mom. Luke is surprised about how much Jordan has shared and can tell that he must really like this girl if he’s told her this much. Also, I am truly straining myself to hear Luke Rodgers, he is almost unacceptably soft spoken. He also says that he thinks life was a lot harder for Jordan because he was Aaron Rodgers’ brother and was following the same path as him. Then JoJo says what I believe to be the reason she and Jordan will be engaged at the end of this: Jordan is no one’s brother. Oh man, does she love this man so much. It’s so precious. She also says she’s falling in love with him at this point—the only person up until this point, at least in the episode, that she’s said that about someone. WE KNOW, JOJO. Jordan sits down with his mom and she tells him that she can tell he’s in love and she’s so excited for him. At the end of the night, Jordan walks JoJo out and they sit on a bench and have just, like, the realest conversation one can have on television, unless you’re Chase McNary and his dad. Basically, she’s asking him when she picks him at the end of this, is he actually in this for the long haul. In her confessional during this conversation she says, straight up, that she wants to tell Jordan she loves him, the only thing really holding her back is that she doesn’t want to do to him what Ben did to her. It’s so wonderful I love it. BAI ALL YOU JORDAN HATERS, I’LL BE OVER HERE DANCING 4EVER!
Robby’s next and his whole date is gross. Like literally every part of it I hated, to be honest. I used to like Robby, maybe it’s just that he was directly after Jordan, but he was horrible on this date. To start, he calls JoJo his “girlfriend”, which I mean, I guess sort of, but it super rubs me the wrong way. He also has this unearned confidence that I can’t get on board with. Oh, and he thinks that he’s somehow going to find a way to make JoJo say that she loves him today. Oh, okay, dude. This town they’re in seems kitschy and cute, though, and it does look fun to ride through it on a horse drawn carriage. They end up at this seaside restaurant and just drink while JoJo basically tells Robby she doesn’t trust him—he just broke up with his girlfriend of four years three months ago, which, if you’ve been watching closely, is a different timeline than before, but whatever. It can go on the IMDb Goofs page for this episode. They go to his family’s house and these people are all robots. Truly not a single one of them looks like a normal human you’d find in society. Robby also says that watching JoJo interact with his family is attractive and BLECH. THIS GUY SUCKS. The whole family seems like a weird designer baby cult. JoJo goes off with Robby’s mom and the two of them are a Lands’ End catalogue come to life it’s so staged. She does tell his mom that she thinks she’s falling in love with Robby, though, and I mean, as much as I hate him on this date, I think that’s more than obvious. Robby goes to talk to his mom about what JoJo said and instead of telling him that this girl is falling in love with him, his mom just drops the bomb that his ex-girlfriend’s roommate has been telling everyone “in person and on the internet” that he broke up with his girlfriend just to come on this show. He’s REAL pissed about it. He literally says that he “worked hard” to prove that he’s over his girlfriend. Dude, you shouldn’t have to work hard to prove something if it’s true. SORRY, DUDE, YA GOT CAUGHT, YOU’RE NOT GONNA BE THE BACHELOR NOR ARE YOU GONNA WIN. BAI! He’s just really smarmy for the rest of the date and I really do not like it. Instantly, he bursts into the room where JoJo and his sisters are sitting on a bed—do they not have a single other place these people could have had conversations than the guest bedroom??? But him telling JoJo about these rumors are literally all of her fears come true. She gets feisty with him and rightfully lets him know that this is screwed up. Somehow she comes to the conclusion that she can trust what he’s saying, which I don’t understand, but I suppose she has to keep 3 guys around next week and Luke and Chase are both boring so she’s definitely stuck with this guy until she can tell Jordan she loves him. They end their date on an odd note, I think the producers want us to think that everything’s fine and they’re all lovey-dovey again, but it’s just off, I don’t believe them anymore.
Final hometown goes to Luke, and I thought Chico and Warsaw (#PrayForWarsaw) were small towns, but wherever Luke is from is literally just a park. Probably a post office and a city hall, too, but you can just tell the WalMart is in the next town over. JoJo’s back in Texas, though, which means her accent is thick. Luke tells her that he has a surprise for her and the surprise is that he’s invited 50 of his closest friends and family? 15? Honestly, I couldn’t decipher the number, but either way, IT’S WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE. God, I was anxious for JoJo through the TV screen. Imagine meeting your boyfriend’s family. Then imagine doing it on camera in front of an entire nation. Then imagine meeting EVERYONE WHO’S EVER LOVED HIM ALL AT ONCE IN A PARK WITH SEEMINGLY NO PUBLIC RESTROOM OR TREE TO OFFER SHADE ALL WHILE ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. It’s horrifying and absolutely my worst nightmare. JoJo being the ESFJ she is (I’m assuming, obviously) is wonderful and gracious and instantly makes friends with everyone including Luke’s grandpa. No, seriously, I think JoJo and Luke’s grandpa are literally best friends now. Luke has a conversation with his dad and it’s boring and the whole date is boring honestly. He has another surprise in store for her and it means that they get to ride horses to a hay bale couch. It’s so wonderfully down home in a way that does not make me want to participate. They kiss slowly for awhile, but their spark does seem to be dying down a little bit. He also takes her to this path lined with candles to a heart made out of rose petals and he tells her that his heart is hers. It’s fine. Truly everything about this date is fine. JoJo’s crying and I honestly think it’s because she’s wondering if this is the week that she’s gonna break his heart. So sad.
It’s rose ceremony time and the guys all pull up separately to an airplane hangar. It is horribly ominous and I should, right away, know what’s about to happen. They’re in an airplane hangar, by the way, because whichever three she’s choosing and she are going to hop on a plane directly after this to their next destination. Kinda cool, honestly. We cut to a confessional from JoJo and she looks very stressed and then all of a sudden she says that SHE’S GOING TO HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE TO LUKE. OMG SPOILERS MUCH, JOJO??????? She picks up the first rose, and LUKE INTERRUPTS HER. OMG. LITERALLY OMG. They walk outside and Luke says that before she does anything, she just needs to know that he does love her. He hadn’t said it until now, which honestly is surprising to me looking back. She says she appreciates so much that she told him and that she needs some time to think about it. Then she paces around the airport for a while and she’s so stressed and I’m so stressed and TO BE CONTINUED?????????? OMG I’M SO STRESSED. Ugh, it was a wonderfully crafted ending. Got to give it up to the producers, it was a much better hometowns episode than I possibly could have imagined for these four men. Well, until next time, hopefully she makes the right choice and SENDS ROBBY HOME, but we all know she’s not going to.
NEXT WEEK on The Bachelorette! It is the biggest decision of JoJo’s life! Also 2 episodes! MEN TELL ALL. THE REAL BEST EPISODE OF THE SEASON! Got a lot of writing to do next week. Here’s hoping for some wonderful fantasy suites and some major roasting of Chad.