The Bachelor 2017: Week 9 Pt. 1

Only one hour to recap this week! It’s like a proper vacation! Previously on The Bachelor: it was a weird week of hometowns, Corinne loves Nick, and Andi Dorfman shows up maybe while on book tour. Let’s jump into the shortest Bachelor episode in over 8 years!

 

So, Nick and seemingly Raven, Corinne, and Rachel are staying in Brooklyn. When we left off, it seemed like maybe Vanessa was heading up to talk to Nick, but nope, it was Andi Dorfman at the door. I just had this conversation with someone, but Andi was one of my favorite Bachelorettes ever. Like she and I would be great friends. Nick is surprised to see Andi, but invites her in and they share perhaps the most awkward hug since almost every hug I’ve ever had in my own life. (Editor’s Note: My love language is certainly not touch. Where my Words of Affirmation / Quality Time hybrid ladies at???) Andi asks for whiskey, again: girl after my own heart. Luckily, she’s not there to confront Nick about anything, though she kind of has the right to do so if she wants, she genuinely just wants to know how it’s going. It’s one of the least awkward ex meetings I’ve ever seen on broadcast television. She asks him about the remaining women, he says they’re all amazing and smart, but admits that it’s been a super tough experience and he has more appreciation for what Andi went through on her season. She, rightfully, says that, yeah, breaking up with 29 people is not exactly the easiest thing in the world. Then Nick launches into telling her that basically he’s not going to get engaged just because he’s the Bachelor, he might even break up with 30 women. WHAT’S THAT, NICK? Well, as my Bachelor friends know, I do not think Mr. Nick Viall is engaged as of today, or at least engaged anymore so I’m not exactly shocked to hear this, but it’s both surprisingly honest and annoying for Bachelor Nation. Shit like this is kind of why I personally love Nick and why I understand how a majority of America probably hates him. The most interesting part of this conversation was Andi offering advice on the upcoming Fantasy Suites. For one, she literally asks, “You haven’t been alone with them yet, have you?”. HOLY SHIT. THAT’S RIGHT. Dude. That’s insane. But it’s true, Fantasy Suites are genuinely the only time that these couples are ever completely alone. She basically says, look, if you want to have sex with these women and you and this woman have made the decision to do that, you’re both adults, go for it. She even calls it her “feminist rant”. I love her so. It’s for real a genuine conversation between two people I think I would probably get along with in real life and who don’t seem to be pretending to be something they’re not on television. Are they both slightly fame-whorish? Yes, 100%. But are they doing it relatively honestly? Def. Nick then goes on to give a really sincere—at least it seemed that way—apology for what he said about sleeping with Andi on her After the Final Rose. She thanks him for that and says that he shouldn’t let the hurt she put him through hold him back from anything. Then she says a really, actually, perfect thing to say:

 

“Good luck. Be kind. Have fun. And most importantly: fall in love.”

-Andi Dorfman, 2017

 

WELL OKAY, THANK YOU ANDI DORFMAN FOR GIVING ME A NEW LIFE MANTRA. Without derailing this recap completely, I agree with literally everything she said. Fall in love with lots of people and things and ideas and dreams and if you’re lucky some of them will stick. GOD BLESS YOU, ANDI DORMAN. Andi leaves and Nick says that he has a newfound confidence about this process after talking with Andi. Then, IT’S TIME FOR A ROSE CEREMONY. O M G. I HAVEN’T SAID THAT IN WEEKS! Well, we head to commercial for a hot second, but not before we get a preview of Raven’s fantasy suite date, so, SPOILERZ MUCH, EDITORS????????? We’re back at the rose ceremony and a big congrats to: Raven (yeah we knew that already), Rachel (I’m ecstatic/sad she’s making it this far now that we know her fate), and Vanessa. And BAI to Corinne! Wow. I have been on such a journey with Corinne this season. She lasted just so much longer than I ever, ever could have expected. She instantly bursts into tears and Nick walks her out and is decidedly not emotional about seeing her go. He’s just like “You were fun! Bai!”. I mean, just compare it to his goodbye with Kristina. Nick, like I, grew to have a certain love for Corinne, but certainly never fell in love with her. Then Corinne goes on a feminist rant of her own. She is no longer going to worry about saying things that men find appropriate and she is absolutely done trying to kiss up to any man in her life. Then she takes a nap in the damn limo. HOW DID CORINNE BECOME AN ICON IN UNDER 30 SECONDS? I’m sure I’ll see you on Bachelor in Paradise, Corinne, and to my surprise, and perhaps America’s, I’m not upset about it.

 

Nick and the remaining women head out to Finland where Nick hopes he can get some clarity. FINLAND. IS. STUNNING. Why is not every show in the history of the world shot in Finland, tho??? Nick recaps his relationships with the remaining girls: with Vanessa, they have amazing chemistry, but there are a lot of unanswered questions, with Rachel, he loves being with her, but she’s the only one who hasn’t given him any words of affirmation or anything alluding to love, and with Raven, well, I honestly can’t remember what he said about his relationship with Raven, but she gets the first date, so let’s find out. Raven pulls up and they go on what seems to be the fanciest helicopter in all the land. They end up at this Finnish pub and drink and play darts. Who knew that Finnish darts had a completely different board? At this point, Nick says that his relationship with Raven is like a “Choose Your Own Adventure” book, which is not a great reference for her, because she’s exactly my age and those books weren’t big when we were kids. When he was a kid 11 years before us, definitely an appropriate reference, but right over my and Raven’s head. He also says some weird stuff about Raven, like she’s “edgy-crazy” and sort of like salty and sweet. Mmmk. They sit down to talk in the back of the pub and, I must say, they’re cute together, but they definitely still seem to be in the smitten, getting to know you, stage, not exactly the in-love stage. One of Raven’s dealbreakers is a man that isn’t close with his mom, then they just sort of instantly move on to a conversation about how Nick will never date a woman that reminds him of his mom? Umm. They also talk about their difference in clothing upkeep—Nick is firmly in favor of ironing while Raven prefers a steamer. I mean, I just, we spent so much time on this date and kind of for nothing. Raven says in her confessional many, many things. For one, she’s really nervous to tell Nick that she loves him, but also that she’s only ever slept with one person and she’s never had an orgasm. Bravo, Raven, you talk about the taboo stuff no one wants to talk about. I respect Raven a hell of a lot and love her Zero Fucks attitude about almost everything in life. She and Nick head to this adorable little cabin in the middle of nowhere and Raven starts her speech: she’s never told anyone in her life that she loved them. Even with her last boyfriend whom she dated for over two years, she never felt safe enough to tell him, but if someone is worth it, she would be able to tell him. She starts to cry and tells this story about how her dad used to pray that she would find an easy love and that everything about Nick has made it easier to fall in love with him. She is in love with him and the worst thing in the world she could do would be not to tell him. DUDE. I cried. This was so insanely beautiful. Nick says it’s one of the most meaningful moments of his life and that he loves that she thought about not only what she was saying to him, but how she wanted to tell him. It was genuinely an amazing thing to watch. I mean, for a guy who can’t say it back, he really does not look at all worried or concerned about this, so Raven, as probably I would too, reads it as him loving her back. It was pretty cool to watch. He offers her the fantasy suite card and she accepts, but says that she has two things to remind him of: she’s only ever been with one person and she’s never had an orgasm. YAHS, RAVEN. She is truly a bold, unabashed woman. Maybe it’s the “edgy-craziness” I’m picking up on.

 

NEXT WEEK ON THE 3 HOUR BACHELOR EVENT: Raven’s date may not come to a “satisfying” end, Rachel is scared to tell Nick how she feels, and Nick tells Vanessa that he’s not traditional at all. Also, Nick can’t stop crying at the rose ceremony. THEN. WOMEN TELL ALL! The greatest television event of the year: will Taylor and Corinne physically fight? Will Liz be slightly less crazy? And, finally, will Jasmine actually choke someone? SEE YOU THEN!

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